Emergency vampirization

When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?"
"No."
"In that case… I hope you enjoy disappointment."

"I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you."
"They'll survive." I could feel their stares boring into my back.
"I may not give you back, though," he said with a wicked glint in his eyes.
I gulped.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

"Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?" he murmured, leaning closer to me as he spoke, his dark golden eyes piercing.

I tried to remember how to exhale. I had to look away before it came back to me.

"Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving."

"It's the safest time of day for us," he said, answering the unspoken question in my eyes. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" He smiled wistfully.

"Having the advantages I do," he murmured, touching his forehead discreetly, "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you… you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in — my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!"

"Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin."

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…"

Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk.

"For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," he whispered.

"You have a very floral smell, like lavender… or freesia," he noted. "It's mouth watering."
"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."

"I may not be a human, but I am a man,"

"Your hair looks like a haystack… but I like it."

"Breakfast time," he said eventually, casually — to prove, I'm sure, that he remembered all my human frailties.
So I clutched my throat with both hands and stared at him with wide eyes. Shock crossed his face.
"Kidding!" I snickered. "And you said I couldn't act!"
He frowned in disgust. "That wasn't funny."

"Can I get you anything?" I asked, not wanting to be rude.
He rolled his eyes. "Just eat, Bella."

I suppressed my internal cringing at the thought of Edward and Charlie and the word boy friend all in the same room at the same time.

It was hard to decide what to wear. I doubted there were any etiquette books detailing how to dress when your vampire sweetheart takes you home to meet his vampire family.

"What am I going to do with you?" he groaned in exasperation. "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!"

"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?"
"That's right," I answered immediately, hiding my surprise at his casual use of the word.
He shook his head. "You're incredible."

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," Alice announced.

"We have to wait for thunder to play ball — you'll see why," he promised.

Alice bounded up and to the door in a fashion that would break any ballerina's heart.

"Afraid of a needle," he muttered to himself under his breath, shaking his head. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand…"

"I'll take a nap."
He moved from the hard plastic chair by my side to the turquoise faux-leather recliner at the foot of my bed, leaning it all the way back, and closing his eyes. He was perfectly still.
"Don't forget to breathe," I whispered sarcastically. He took a deep breath, his eyes still closed.

"I think that boy is in love with you," she accused, keeping her voice low.
"Oh, you'll get over it — it's just a crush."
"That's the beautiful thing about being human," he told me. "Things change."
My eyes narrowed. "Don't hold your breath."

"So ready for this to be the end," he murmured, almost to himself, "for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You're ready to give up everything."
"It's not the end, it's the beginning," I disagreed under my breath.
"I'm not worth it," he said sadly.
"Do you remember when you told me that I didn't see myself very clearly?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "You obviously have the same blindness."
"I know what I am."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" I challenged.
"It's a tie."

Time passes, even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.

Between pain and nothing, I'd chosen nothing.

That my mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his cool skin, or the texture of his voice. I could not think of them, but I must remember them.

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.
When I realized that there was nothing to search for, and nothing to find. That there never had been anything more than just this empty, dreary wood, and there never would be anything more for me… nothing but nothing…

Only a teenage boy would agree to this: deceiving both our parents while repairing dangerous vehicles using money meant for my college education. He didn't see anything wrong with that picture. Jacob was a gift from the gods.

Its concrete reality would not counteract the nothingness of the nightmares.

To see that there was no physical possession that tied them in anyway. That everything remained, untouched and forgotten, behind them.
Just like me.

"Here's to responsibility," he toasted. "Twice a week."
"And recklessness every day in between," I emphasized.

This had to be it, the recipe for a hallucination—adrenaline plus danger plus stupidity.

"Did you know, you're sort of beautiful?"
Once the words slipped out, I worried that he might take my impulsive observation the wrong way.
But Jacob just rolled his eyes. "You hit your head pretty hard, didn't you?"

The shadows didn't seem as dark as usual. Not with my personal sun along.

"Bears don't want to eat people. We don't taste that good." He grinned at me in the dark cab. "Of course, you might be an exception. I bet you'd taste good."
"Thanks so much," I said, looking away. He wasn't the first person to tell me that.

I was like a lost moon—my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation—that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.

"I remember this guy," he said in a low voice as Mike parked across the street. "The one who thought you were his girlfriend. Is he still confused?"
I raised one eyebrow. "Some people are hard to discourage."
"Then again," Jacob said thoughtfully, "sometimes persistence pays off."
"Most of the time it's just annoying, though."

One thing I truly knew—knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest—was how love gave someone the power to break you.
I'd been broken beyond repair.

"Hey, are you okay?" Jacob asked, worry creasing his forehead.
I looked up at him, the tears not yet dried on my cheeks. "Why in the world would I be okay, Jacob?"

"Sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. Sometimes, it's not your secret to tell."

"Well, I'm so sorry that I can't be the right kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I'm just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?"

"Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf?"

"So, you're the vampire girl."
I stiffened. "Yes. Are you the wolf girl?"
 
Love is irrational, I reminded myself. The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made.

Mike's eyes narrowed shrewdly. "Don't kid yourself, Bella. The guy's head over heels for you."
"I know," I sighed. "Life is complicated."
"And girls are cruel"

And I flung myself off the cliff. I was almost happy that it was over. This was an easier death than others I'd faced. Oddly peaceful. I thought briefly of the clichés, about how you were suppose to see your life flash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway?

Why would I fight when I was so happy where I was? Even as my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy cold, I was content. I'd forgotten what real happiness felt like. Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.

Was I dying again, then? I didn't like it—this wasn't as good as the last time.

Jacob's slow, deep breathing was the only sound in the room—like a lullaby hummed to a child, like the whisper of a rocking chair, like the ticking of an old clock when you had nowhere you needed to go…It was the sound of comfort.

I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing—and that's something no one wants to hear.

Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?

"I almost get myself killed on a daily basis! Tell me what I need to do!"

I wasn't going to live without you , he'd said, as if it should be such an obvious conclusion.

"You are so bizarre, even for a human."

"Trust me, Bella. If anyone sets up a roadblock, it will be behind us."

"Is this a joke?" he mumbled.
Alice's smile was blinding. "Only if you think it's funny."

Enjoying the bouquet while resisting the wine, as he’d once put it.

If we could bottle your luck, we’d have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands.

“Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV.”

“Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior.”

“You are in trouble,” I said slowly, emphasizing each word. “Enormous trouble. Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home.”
I snapped the phone shut and placed it in her waiting hand. “I’m done.”
She grinned. “This hostage stuff is fun.”

“I hate you, Jacob Black.”
“That’s good. Hate is a passionate emotion.”
“I’ll give you passionate,” I muttered under my breath. “Murder, the ultimate crime of passion.”

“What’s wrong with her?” Charlie wondered.
“She thinks she broke her hand,” I heard Jacob tell him. I went to the freezer and pulled out a tray of ice cubes.
“How did she do that?” As my father, I thought Charlie ought to sound a bit less amused and a bit more concerned.
Jacob laughed. “She hit me.”
“Why did she hit you?”
“Because I kissed her,” Jacob said, unashamed.
“Good for you, kid,” Charlie congratulated him.

“I don’t want any fighting, do you understand?” Charlie looked only at Edward when he spoke. “I can go put my badge on if that makes my request more official.”

Edward spoke in a voice so peaceful and gentle that it made the words strangely more threatening. “I’m not going to kill you now, because it would upset Bella.”
“Hmph,” I grumbled.
Edward turned slightly to throw me a quick smile. His face was still calm. “It would bother you in the morning,” he said, brushing his fingers across my cheek.

So eager for eternal damnation.

“I lie all the time.”
“Yes, but you’re such a bad liar that it doesn’t really count. Nobody believes you.”

The urge to fight must be a defining characteristic of the Y chromosome. They were all the same.

“Some people will go to any lengths to delude themselves.”
“I’ve noticed that werewolves in particular are prone to that mistake — do you think it’s a genetic thing?”

“Sometimes I think you like me better as a wolf.”
“Sometimes I do. It probably has something to do with the way you can’t talk. ”

“You’re only human,” he whispered, stroking my hair again.
“That’s the most miserable defense I’ve ever heard.”

It was like having my nightmares walk forward to greet me.

“Nothing is impossible,” Edward murmured, voice velvet soft as he moved another inch closer to her.
“Except what you want. You’ll never touch her.”

“I’ll be your friend, Bella,” he said quietly. “I won’t ask for more than that.”
“I think it’s too late for that, Jake. How can we be friends, when we love each other like this?”
He looked at the ceiling, his stare intent, as if he were reading something that was written there. “Maybe... it will have to be a long-distance friendship.”

“He’s like a drug for you, Bella.” His voice was still gentle, not at all critical. “I see that you can’t live without him now. It’s too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun.”
The corner of my mouth turned up in a wistful half-smile. “I used to think of you that way, you know. Like the sun. My personal sun. You balanced out the clouds nicely for me.”
He sighed. “The clouds I can handle. But I can’t fight with an eclipse.”

I stretched my neck up to whisper in his ear, laying my cheek against his warm skin. “You know I love you.”
“I know,” he breathed, his arm tightening automatically around my waist. “You know how much I wish it was enough.”

The morning brought with it, if not a brighter outlook, as least a measure of control, some acceptance. Instinctively, I knew that the new tear in my heart would always ache. That was just going to be a part of me now. Time would make it easier — that’s what everyone always said. But I didn’t care if time healed me or not, so long as Jacob could get better. Could be happy again.

“‘If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.’”

Now Sue, she would have made one hell of a wolf. Leah’s more of a wolverine.

"You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating."

I just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better than that.

If you had forever, you could check out every single piece of straw in the haystack, one by one, to see if it was the needle.

The girl was a classic martyr. She'd totally been born in the wrong century. She should have lived back when she could have gotten herself fed to some lions for a good cause.

"Did you know that I told you so' has a brother, Jacob?" she asked, cutting me off. "His name is 'Shut the hell up."
"Good one."

Emergency vampirization

"Oh, I hadn't heard the great news. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Shoulda brought some blue balloons."

Their shock was just a silent shout in my head. Wordless.

Today had begun like any other day. How did it change so completely, turn all surreal?

I gritted my teeth. She was allowed to kill herself for a monster, but I wasn't allowed
to miss a few nights' sleep to watch her do it?

Sleepless Beauty

She was wrapped up like a burrito in a couple of thick quilts

"You know how you drown a blonde, Rosalie?" I asked without stopping or turning to look at her. "Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool."

"Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain?" I asked, and then continued on the same breath, "a golden retriever."

Vampire mother hen

"What's for breakfast?" I asked, a little sarcastic. "O negative or AB positive?"

"S'not so hard to erase a blonde's memory," I countered. "Just blow in her ear."

They got into it then, quickly taking the genetics conversation to a point where the only words I could understand were thethe's and theands.

a genetic dead end

Because you always want the very most what you can never, ever have.

How do a blonde's brain cells die? Alone.

He couldn't hate what loved Bella. It was probably why he couldn't hate me, either.

"It goes against the grain," he explained, "letting you wrestle with lions. I was having an anxiety attack the whole time."

"You're giving me a house for my birthday?" I whispered

he looked like Zeus's younger, better-looking brother.

"Yeah, I know, I know. They're the good guys, they're here to help, they're going to save us all. Etcetera, etcetera. Say what you want, I still think Dracula One and Dracula Two are creep-tacular."

Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age.
The child is grown, and puts away childish things.
Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies.

Which is worse: to love someone enough to never hurt them and never leave them, or to love someone enough to let them go when you know it’s the best thing for them, even though they may never get over it?