I think going to the temple is a waste of time. How is bathing a mud figurine dressed in red with milk helping you or anyone else in any possible way? You're just wasting milk, which could have been used to feed some poor hungry child, dirtying a place and reducing the life of that mud statue. If you really do believe in God, then you should be able to believe that he is with you every step of the way. That remembering him in your mind and letting him into your heart is way more important than spending a fraction of your corruption earned money in building a gigantic temple that lures other fools into thinking that you are indeed a man of God. First of all, there is no such thing as a man of God. If you are a man, you cannot be God. Also, if you are a man, like everyone else, you were created by God, so you are no different from the 6 billion others.
For those who disagree with this post, read the previous one.
Friday, December 18, 2009
PMS
Ok so I am aware that this is not an acceptable blog topic, but I HATE PMS. It freaking annoys me so badly. I hate having such extreme emotions, where some stupid little thing will make me wanna fly, and then the next moment I will be crying buckets of tears for no apparent reason, and searching in my mind for long disappeared pain causing things so I can convince myself I have a reason to be depressed and am not crazy. I hate this helplessness and powerlessness over my feelings, even more so because I tend to say even more inappropriate things than I normally say to people all around, which I know is wrong and bad and unacceptable, but the partial filter that usually exists between my subconscious thoughts and tongue seems to lift as well. I can get no useful work done. Most of the time it's just depression, followed by a reckless desire to see what is the worst that can happen if I don't do any work at all. I seem to want company at one minute, and the next want to bury myself in my room, under a big fat blanket, to never emerge again. Anything and everything can cause my mood to change drastically. Anyone and anything can annoy me really badly.
HATE HATE HATE.
HATE HATE HATE.
Bitch.
What is with this abundance of thankless people that have sprung up like mushrooms all around me? They expect you to do everything for them, and then give you attitude.
For instance, there is this great woman with whom I did 5 programming assignments. We used to split the report and do half the questions each. For the last one, she was kind enough to inform me on the last day that she had not done anything and would not be doing anything as she was busy with another project. How kind of her. Even though we'd had more than 3 weeks for the assignment. And she also gladly told me, "Oh remember to put my name on what you submit ok?" Since I was busy with another project at the time, I obviously did not have time to do the questions which the great woman did not do, and had to submit only half the report which I had done earlier. And obviously I did not put her name on it.
So when the grades came out, and hers showed a zero, she posted on the course forum, literally yelling at the professor for not giving her marks. "I understand that we couldn't submit the complete report due to a situation. but i dont know if that should stop us from receiving marks at all." A situation indeed.
The professor replied saying that "This is a topic that should be addressed through email. (duh! But how can you expect such a female to have any common sense)
No grade has been recorded because I did not receive a report with your name on it.
If you submitted a joint report, then either you or your partner forgot to put your name on the report. If this is the case, then please ask your partner to email me to confirm that you contributed to the report and I will add the grade."
So she called me up and tells me to email him. Yes TELLs. Was it not obvious that I had not put her name on the report for a reason - that she did not deserve the grade since she did NO work AT ALL? And idiot that I am, I should have just given her a piece of my mind then. But for some disturbingly bizarrely annoying reason, this stupid tongue of mine, which is willing to slice people's throats for no good reason at most times, decides to not unleash itself when most required.
Oh and she also asked me on the phone if there was a scanner on campus. I said maybe in the library. Then she tells me, oh can you find the third edition of the book and scan a certain page and send to me. I'll pay you. Oh right, sure. Just one question, WHEN DID I BECOME YOUR FUCKING SLAVE?
So I did email the prof, and then sent the great woman a scathing email telling her "I have emailed to include your name for the report. However, I just want to say that I think it is completely unfair for you to get credit for a piece of work that you did not contribute to. Even more so, it would have been have been good if you could have informed me beforehand that you would not be doing the report, so I could have at least completed it on my own. I understand that you were busy with your other project, but so was I. And in all fairness, we were given more than 3 weeks for that assignment. Anyways, good luck with the exam."
And her reply, "comon yar ..i appreciate u doing the favor cuz i understand where nd what has gone wrong...but u cud've talked about it on phone or last day when i saw u. i wouldnt' want u to keep grudges for me in heart. if i were at ur place, you wouldnt get this from me. i m sorry if i have hurt you. but i dont think we should say bye to each other on a bitter note ;)"
Oh right I'm sorry. My bad, I should have said a big NO in the first place since you seem to have an unusually thick skin.
For instance, there is this great woman with whom I did 5 programming assignments. We used to split the report and do half the questions each. For the last one, she was kind enough to inform me on the last day that she had not done anything and would not be doing anything as she was busy with another project. How kind of her. Even though we'd had more than 3 weeks for the assignment. And she also gladly told me, "Oh remember to put my name on what you submit ok?" Since I was busy with another project at the time, I obviously did not have time to do the questions which the great woman did not do, and had to submit only half the report which I had done earlier. And obviously I did not put her name on it.
So when the grades came out, and hers showed a zero, she posted on the course forum, literally yelling at the professor for not giving her marks. "I understand that we couldn't submit the complete report due to a situation. but i dont know if that should stop us from receiving marks at all." A situation indeed.
The professor replied saying that "This is a topic that should be addressed through email. (duh! But how can you expect such a female to have any common sense)
No grade has been recorded because I did not receive a report with your name on it.
If you submitted a joint report, then either you or your partner forgot to put your name on the report. If this is the case, then please ask your partner to email me to confirm that you contributed to the report and I will add the grade."
So she called me up and tells me to email him. Yes TELLs. Was it not obvious that I had not put her name on the report for a reason - that she did not deserve the grade since she did NO work AT ALL? And idiot that I am, I should have just given her a piece of my mind then. But for some disturbingly bizarrely annoying reason, this stupid tongue of mine, which is willing to slice people's throats for no good reason at most times, decides to not unleash itself when most required.
Oh and she also asked me on the phone if there was a scanner on campus. I said maybe in the library. Then she tells me, oh can you find the third edition of the book and scan a certain page and send to me. I'll pay you. Oh right, sure. Just one question, WHEN DID I BECOME YOUR FUCKING SLAVE?
So I did email the prof, and then sent the great woman a scathing email telling her "I have emailed
And her reply, "comon yar ..i appreciate u doing the favor cuz i understand where nd what has gone wrong...but u cud've talked about it on phone or last day when i saw u. i wouldnt' want u to keep grudges for me in heart. if i were at ur place, you wouldnt get this from me. i m sorry if i have hurt you. but i dont think we should say bye to each other on a bitter note ;)"
Oh right I'm sorry. My bad, I should have said a big NO in the first place since you seem to have an unusually thick skin.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Irom And The Iron In India’s Soul
It is a parable for our times. If the story of Irom Sharmila does not make us pause, nothing will. It is a story of extraordinariness. Extraordinary will. Extraordinary simplicity. Extraordinary hope. It is impossible to get yourself heard in our busy age of information overload. But if the story of Irom Sharmila will not make us pause, nothing will.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Grr..
I have no reason to be alive right now.
I have no place to live for the next sem. I don't want to live off campus, considering that I'll probably have to work somewhere to get enough money to pay for it if I do manage to find a room while living 7 oceans away. I'm thinking of taking 5-6 heavy modules next sem, so working and travelling to school everyday don't seem like very appealing ideas to me right now.
My "friends" don't even remember I exist anymore, considering I haven't talked to most of them in months. Of course they are too busy to be bothered. Oh wait, it's holidays.
I have exams going on, still got 4 left. While most people here have no exams or have finished them already.
Well I guess the only reason to be alive right now is so I can sit in the library and study. Wait did I say it was a reason to be alive?
I have no place to live for the next sem. I don't want to live off campus, considering that I'll probably have to work somewhere to get enough money to pay for it if I do manage to find a room while living 7 oceans away. I'm thinking of taking 5-6 heavy modules next sem, so working and travelling to school everyday don't seem like very appealing ideas to me right now.
My "friends" don't even remember I exist anymore, considering I haven't talked to most of them in months. Of course they are too busy to be bothered. Oh wait, it's holidays.
I have exams going on, still got 4 left. While most people here have no exams or have finished them already.
Well I guess the only reason to be alive right now is so I can sit in the library and study. Wait did I say it was a reason to be alive?
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Notting Hill
For June who loved this garden.
From Joseph who always sat beside her.
Some people do spend their whole lives together.
From Joseph who always sat beside her.
Some people do spend their whole lives together.
It's so bloody cold!
It's like God heard us saying, it's not that cold for winter yet. And he was, ahh you want cold, THERE YOU GO MISSY!
It's freaking -21 degrees with the wind chill. ANY exposed parts of you, like your face, and the fingertips of your fingerless gloves will literally FREEZE out in the open and then thaw once you come inside.
I'm wearing fours layers of clothes on top, including 2 jackets and a very warm top, and 2 layers below, but it doesn't seem to help too much.
Why do I even bother going out, you might ask. Well I have a freaking exam tomorrow, for which I need the library book, which is on reserve, so I can get it for only 2 hours at a time, and must wait at least half an hour before I can re-issue it. So you see, for that half an hour, I either take my laptop along and waste time on that, which somehow always extends more than half an hour, and also means that I have to carry the laptop in my hand, which means I cannot keep my hands in my pocket. And I definitely cannot fit my laptop in my handbag since I already feel fat enough with so many clothes, and carrying a really fat bag on your hand becomes virtually impossible with the fat jackets on.
So you see, I've made 2 trips to the library already, and must make one more. Since I have only managed to read (almost) the first 7 chapters out of 11, and the emphasis for the exam is chapters 8-11. I am so doomed. And somehow the first thing on my mind is not the exam, but the cold. Thing is, it takes me about 2 hours to convince myself to go out everytime, so you can imagine how much work is getting done.
I can totally understand why people are grumpier and more depressed in the winter. I certainly am. It's too bloody cold to venture out, and sitting at home doing nothing is mind-numbing. I'm just glad classes are over, so I can choose to stay home. But then again, for all the up-coming exams, I need to study from the library books, most of which are also on reserve. So you see, I'm doomed!
It's freaking -21 degrees with the wind chill. ANY exposed parts of you, like your face, and the fingertips of your fingerless gloves will literally FREEZE out in the open and then thaw once you come inside.
I'm wearing fours layers of clothes on top, including 2 jackets and a very warm top, and 2 layers below, but it doesn't seem to help too much.
Why do I even bother going out, you might ask. Well I have a freaking exam tomorrow, for which I need the library book, which is on reserve, so I can get it for only 2 hours at a time, and must wait at least half an hour before I can re-issue it. So you see, for that half an hour, I either take my laptop along and waste time on that, which somehow always extends more than half an hour, and also means that I have to carry the laptop in my hand, which means I cannot keep my hands in my pocket. And I definitely cannot fit my laptop in my handbag since I already feel fat enough with so many clothes, and carrying a really fat bag on your hand becomes virtually impossible with the fat jackets on.
So you see, I've made 2 trips to the library already, and must make one more. Since I have only managed to read (almost) the first 7 chapters out of 11, and the emphasis for the exam is chapters 8-11. I am so doomed. And somehow the first thing on my mind is not the exam, but the cold. Thing is, it takes me about 2 hours to convince myself to go out everytime, so you can imagine how much work is getting done.
I can totally understand why people are grumpier and more depressed in the winter. I certainly am. It's too bloody cold to venture out, and sitting at home doing nothing is mind-numbing. I'm just glad classes are over, so I can choose to stay home. But then again, for all the up-coming exams, I need to study from the library books, most of which are also on reserve. So you see, I'm doomed!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
P.S. I love you
"Thing to remember is, if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too. It helps me sometimes."
"Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful, literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you."
"Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful, literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you."
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
"Chasing Cars"
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Faith.
There is one school of thought which says that life is short, enjoy it. Live every moment, you never know which could be your last.
There is another which says that how can you say life is short, it's the longest damned thing you'll ever know.
There is one school of thought that says that if something makes you cry, it's because it touches you at that level to get that emotion out of you.
There is another which says that if someone makes you cry, they're not worth the pain.
There's one school of thought which says that if you really love something, then let it go. If it comes back to you, you know it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.
There's another which says that if you love someone, never let them go.
There's one school of thought that says that find something that makes you happy. And do it everyday.
Another which says that the value of happiness comes from the fact that it comes so rarely.
Which should I believe?
There is another which says that how can you say life is short, it's the longest damned thing you'll ever know.
There is one school of thought that says that if something makes you cry, it's because it touches you at that level to get that emotion out of you.
There is another which says that if someone makes you cry, they're not worth the pain.
There's one school of thought which says that if you really love something, then let it go. If it comes back to you, you know it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.
There's another which says that if you love someone, never let them go.
There's one school of thought that says that find something that makes you happy. And do it everyday.
Another which says that the value of happiness comes from the fact that it comes so rarely.
Which should I believe?
Monday, December 7, 2009
Funnnn...
I know I'm going to do it. Even though I know I shouldn't. Even though everything in my past experience tells me I'm gonna regret it. But I know I'm gonna do it.
Anywho this was a FUCKING AWESOME WEEKEND! Went clubbing on fri, but I didn't take my passport, tried another card but they didn't accept it as ID. So went to some sad pub-club place for a while, but it was ok. Then yesterday was half a day of shopping for swimwear. And then Cavalcade of Lights = fireworks. Then today we drove to Kitchener, to see a German Christmas market. And then came back to Harbourfront for the highlight of this weekend - ice skating! My first time ever. I fell smack on my butt about 5 times, so I feel like I might have broken my tail bone. I definitely sprained my right wrist and now it hurts. It somehow always hurts in exam time, and then I need to apply counterpain generously. But it was good. I haven't quite gotten the hang of the balancing thing for skating, but thanx to some awesome friends who held my hands and made me go around the place, it was good. I look forward to doing it again sometime :) Preferably after my butt heals and I forget how unsettling it was :P
And now the next weekend is even more fun, in as sadistic a sense as possible. Fri 7-10pm exam, Sat 7-9pm exam. It's basically 6 exams in the next 17 days. And then it shall be packing and another vacation. Before it's back to true reality. Singapore will feel so boring now, I'll probably cry my eyes out and miss Canada so much! But ah well, that's life. The fun of vacation comes only when you know you truly deserve it and long for it!
Anywho this was a FUCKING AWESOME WEEKEND! Went clubbing on fri, but I didn't take my passport, tried another card but they didn't accept it as ID. So went to some sad pub-club place for a while, but it was ok. Then yesterday was half a day of shopping for swimwear. And then Cavalcade of Lights = fireworks. Then today we drove to Kitchener, to see a German Christmas market. And then came back to Harbourfront for the highlight of this weekend - ice skating! My first time ever. I fell smack on my butt about 5 times, so I feel like I might have broken my tail bone. I definitely sprained my right wrist and now it hurts. It somehow always hurts in exam time, and then I need to apply counterpain generously. But it was good. I haven't quite gotten the hang of the balancing thing for skating, but thanx to some awesome friends who held my hands and made me go around the place, it was good. I look forward to doing it again sometime :) Preferably after my butt heals and I forget how unsettling it was :P
And now the next weekend is even more fun, in as sadistic a sense as possible. Fri 7-10pm exam, Sat 7-9pm exam. It's basically 6 exams in the next 17 days. And then it shall be packing and another vacation. Before it's back to true reality. Singapore will feel so boring now, I'll probably cry my eyes out and miss Canada so much! But ah well, that's life. The fun of vacation comes only when you know you truly deserve it and long for it!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Have I ever cared about fielders?
Sehwag now has five of the 10 fastest double-centuries in history, including three of the first four. This though is a man utterly insouciant when it comes to such landmarks. He could well go on to obliterate Lara's record tomorrow. He certainly has a great chance to put even Bradman in the shade and score a third triple. None of those possibilities is likely to make him lose sleep though. For someone who has reduced batting to its most elemental, only the next ball matters. If it's there to be hit, regardless of whether he's on 299 or 399, he'll go for it. Which is precisely why it's such a bloody privilege to watch him play. Those that passed up a chance to come to Churchgate on Thursday would be best off reading the Mishima guide to seppuku.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Lost
I feel so lost today. There are so many things I want to do, so many things I'm hoping and praying will go right, and so many things I don't even know what I want the answer to be.
I am so tired. I feel exhausted. Mentally and physically. And depressed. I just want things to be over. Fast. And yet I want to be able to enjoy the last few weeks that I have left here.
Sometimes I feel my head will explode from all these thoughts. I really cannot stop worrying. I cannot leave things and let them work out. I think and re-think each and every scenario and play it out in my head a million times.
I feel so conflicted I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do!
I am so tired. I feel exhausted. Mentally and physically. And depressed. I just want things to be over. Fast. And yet I want to be able to enjoy the last few weeks that I have left here.
Sometimes I feel my head will explode from all these thoughts. I really cannot stop worrying. I cannot leave things and let them work out. I think and re-think each and every scenario and play it out in my head a million times.
I feel so conflicted I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
If Johnny Depp is Satan, I wanna go to Hell.
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."
This student received the only A.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."
This student received the only A.
The human stupidity. Be grateful for it.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.
And as we go on..
10th grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.
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