Bhoole jo hain tujhko ab unko bhool ja tu bhi

Yes I have Edward Cullen as my desktop background. Yes I am shallow. No I don't care.

You need to recognise when something has run its course and there is no good way it can end. Then you need to let it go.

A person of the opposite gender gives you highs and lows of extreme happiness and sadness. But a friend is that one stable thing who is there no matter what you are going through. Who understands when you're too busy being happy but is there to catch you when you fall. Be grateful for friends.

It's amazing how many levels the hotness of a person increases if they're seen with a guitar. Or in uniform.

It's a girl thing to feel guilty about everything isn't it? We apologise way too much, at times even when it's the guy's fault. Strange.

It looks like Canada is going to be harder to get over than any guy by far! What can I say, some things just take time, 9 women can't make a baby in a month! :P

Xchange Yorkself

I think the main reason we miss things so much when they are gone is because we sub-consciously choose to remember only the good parts.

I miss Canada whenever I see other people's photos, because I remember how much fun it was playing in the snow, not how cold and depressing it was.
I remember how much fun travelling was, not how annoying the planning was or how tiring it was.
I remember how beautiful it was, not how expensive.
I remember how awesome it was to get to know more people, not how lonely I was at times.
I remember the awesome parties, not how strange the cultural difference was.

Now, if given the choice to spend another sem in Canada, I would readily agree. But I remember when I was there I was glad I wouldn't be there for the winter sem.

I miss bagels, and soup, and Tim Hortons, and the huge slices of pizzas. But I am glad for how cheap Singapore now feels. I am glad that I can come back home at 2 in the night, and feel perfectly safe. I am glad I don't have to wear 5 layers of clothes before I leave my room. I am glad to be able to wear skirts and shorts and spaghettis again. I am glad for feeling like I belong again.

But all said and done, I do miss Canada. A lot. Always will. It gave me something that Singapore has never been able to. It is just way too beautiful. Every city is a natural attraction, without even trying, unlike Sg.

It is a feeling that cannot be expressed in words. It is something that only those who go through it can relate to and understand. Because I know when I turn to someone who was there, and say "I MISS IT", they know exactly what I am talking about. It's been more than 2 months since I left all that behind. Yet, even now, I can just close my eyes and be back there. Because to the rest, it was just 4 months. To me, it was another life.

That's the whole point of being 20. You could be anything.

Maybe this world is another world's hell and death is the escape.

Not all who wander are lost.

When you miss me, remember it was you who let me go.

Kaisi Hai Ye Udaasi Chayee Lyrics

Kaisi hai ye udaasi chaayee… mere dil
Kaisi geheri hai ye tanhayee… mere dil
Raahon mein yaadon ki khaamoshi barse
Ankhon mein jo gum hai aasu ko tarse

Yeh bataa… yeh kyun hua
Bujh gaya… kyun har diya
Kaisi hai ye udaasi chaayee… mere dil

Jo bhi mila, woh kho gaya
Tujhko pataa hai aisa hi sada hota hai
Jaana hi tha woh jo gaya
Dil tu akela aise kyun bhala rota hai

Bhoole jo hain tujhko ab unko bhool ja tu bhi
Warna mere saath yaadon ke zakhm kha tu bhi
Maan ja… ae dil mere
Bhool ja… shikwe giley

Kaisi hai ye udaasi chaayee…

Tu hi bataa ae dil mere
Maine toh hamesha tera hi kaha… maana hai
Kyun hai mujhe ye gum ghere
Mujhe umra kya bas yehi sazaa paana hai

Sapne buye maine aur dard maine hai kaate
Gaaye geet maine aur paaye maine sannaate
Aarzoo… nakaam hai
Sooni si… har shaam hai

Kaisi hai ye udaasi chaayee… mere dil
Kaisi geheri hai ye tanhayee..

Pyar ke pal

Hum, rahe ya na rahe kal
Kal, yaad aayenge yeh pal
Pal, yeh hain pyaar ke pal
Chal, aa mere sang chal

Chal, soche kya
Chhoti si hai zindagi
Kal mil jaaye to hogi khushnaseebi

Hum rahe ya na rahe, yaad aayenge yeh pal

I need a little perspective

They say our days are the happiest when they pass the fastest. By that definition, my university days have probably been the happiest ones I've ever had. Feels like in the blink of an eye 3 years have gone past. The only thing that makes you realize it's a different semester is bidding time and the end of the 2 reading weeks. 1 more year and it will be time to work, out in the real world with real problems, no cocoon of a hostel or classes.

And yet, if I think about it, JC seems so long ago. I have seen many generations of juniors come and go through JC, and I realize that the ones who are now in JC2 will come to NUS only after I have graduated.

It's funny how our perceptions change with time. What matters to me today will seem stupid tomorrow. What stops my world from spinning today will seem trivial the day after.

I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.

The choices we make are ultimately our responsibility

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Words can make a deeper scar than silence can heal.

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.

We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.

In human intercourse the tragedy begins, not when there is misunderstanding about words, but when silence is not understood.

When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.

I will remember you

They used to use this song when showing the video of someone who had been cut from a SYTYCD episode. I lub it :D

Four years later
Time goes by fast
Got my memories
And they will last
I try to keep it simple 'cuz I hate goodbyes
I try to keep it simple by telling myself that

I, I will remember you
And all of the things that we've gone through
There is so much I can say
But words get in the way so
We're not together
I will remember you
I will remember you

We're a picture in my mind
And when I wanna find you
I just close my eyes
You'll never be that far from me
So don't say goodbye 'cuz
You'll never be that far from me
I'm telling myself that

I, I will remember you
And all of the things that we've gone through
There is so much I can say
But words get in the way so
We're not together
I will remember you

You were there when I needed love and
Thank you, thank you
I never told you how much that meant
God thank you, thank you
I will remember you

And all of the things that we've gone through
There is so much I can say
But words get in the way so
I, I will remember you
And all of the things that we've gone through
There is so much I can say
But words get in the way so
We're not together
I will remember
We're not together
I will remember you
I will remember you

I've got to admit it's getting better. It's a little better all the time.

Why don't presidents fight the war? Why do they always send the poor?

This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead.

You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need.

Dying should be a part of living

It really annoys me when people shush you up when you say anything about death. What is the big deal? It is a fact of life that one day, suddenly, unexpectedly, it will end. Pretending that isn't true will get you nowhere. If you were to die tomorrow, you should borrow lots of money from people today, so that tomorrow, in the sorrow of your death, they shall forget about the money part. Damn, now I'm sure no one will lend me money :P

INFURIATINGLY FRUSTRATING

Why can't I be more sunshine-y and less gloomy rain-ish? I think the volume of posts this month speaks volumes of my mental state right now. But somehow the blog has also lost its usefulness as a way of getting my inner turmoil out and gone. I think I really need to go out more and stay in my room less. And find something to do to occupy my mind.

People.

Some people come into your life, and make it better. Others, make it worse.
Some people, when they walk out of your life, leave a little hole in the fabric of your life, which no matter how many new people you meet, can never be repaired. Others walk out, and you hardly notice the difference.
Some people make you wonder, an year after you lose touch with them, if you should have tried harder to stay in contact. Maybe they were worth the extra effort. Others, despite the extra effort on your part, cannot be bothered, so you let them go, after a while.
Some people make you wonder, 10 years down the line, what they must be doing now and what they must have become by now. And you wish them well in what they're doing.
Sometimes, when you do re-contact someone after a very long time, it gives you a sense of joy. And sometimes, you also realize that it was okay to let them go when you did.
But no matter how long or how short the time you know them, no matter how much or how little you like them, each one of those people affects you, most of the times in unrecognizable ways. Some make you a better person just by opening up to you, others force you to become a better person by being the worse one themselves, others just make the ride more worthwhile and pleasurable. Isn't that what it's all about, making the most of it while we're here?

No Promises

If you have no expectations from people, then every little thing they do for you will come as a pleasant surprise. They're happy, you're happy. Win win. Of course not everyone will come in the category of people who spring nice little surprises at you. At least not pleasant ones. But be grateful for those who do :)

Use condoms. Else the product may be a Ris Low.

We've got to take our hats off to Ris Low. Like watching an out-of-control car career back and forth across the highway from one accident to another, you feel horrified, yet strangely fascinated. And somehow the Ris Low vehicle keeps on running. She's got the media equivalent of a flak jacket -- scandal, mockery and open criticism just bounce right off. She's been stripped of her Miss Singapore World title, diagnosed as bipolar, convicted for credit card fraud, bombasted for her poor diction, laughed at for creating nonsense terms such as "boomz" and "shingz," yet she just shrugs and goes on to do something else, just as jaw-dropping.

When she was ousted as a beauty queen, she publicly stated she wanted to make a comeback as a beauty pageant organiser and was looking for sponsors for an as-yet-unnamed three-in-one beauty pageant. Then she stirred another round of controversy by the liberal use of vulgarities and expletives on the Shan + Rozz show on radio station 98.7.

But now, condom company Espire has appointed her to be their youth ambassador, to promote its latest product as well as advocate safe sex to Singapore youths.

Understandably, the reactions online have been mixed, with most expressing bewilderment and a strong sense of "oh god not her again." mllx4rt2 posted on the Diva website, "This girl is like a recurring nightmare that refuses to cease... And now she's selling Expire condoms. Why isn't her probation officer monitoring her activities?"

Chieftain chuckles at it all, writing that "we're at fault for giving her the infamous publicity to be infamous. Her determination to be a celebrity knows no bounds of decorum or sense of ethics."

On the Temasek Review website, Andrew Chen thanked the writers for "alerting us to a brand of condoms to AVOID. The Espire people can’t be very smart, I can only imagine the failure rates on their products."

no way commented, "To me, Ris Low is just another attention seeker. What “boomz” and “shingz,” really nonsense. So what if she was a former Miss Singapore World? She lost it, she doesn’t deserve. She’s a failure."

The only semi-positive response we spotted was from SeeWhoDie, who said that "we should respect her as a person. She is earning a decent living promoting this product."

p.s. The video is a MUST-SEE. Condom ad, in a uniquely RL style.

p.p.s. Original interview

p.p.p.s. PCK interview (Ris Low Spoof)

p.p.p.p.s. All about Boomz See the whole list of videos in the sidebar :D

A slippery slope on a rickety road.

O self control! Where art thou?

Things I'll never say

There are 2 kind of men - those who stare, and those who don't. Actually, this applies mostly to Indian men.

There will be days when you will feel lonely, and you will feel like you can't go on alone. On such days, you have to find the strength within you to strive forward, no matter what, and emerge stronger than before. Blah blah.

Grey's quote -
Richard to Addision: If you need your job to give you a new life, then you either need a new job or a new life.

You have to stop waiting.

It's all just a blur now. Too much of vampires does that. Damn reading week is almost gone. My plan of spending all days locked up in the library has, well, gone down the drain. Is it unhealthy to block out unpleasant stuff?

Shaadi ka laddoo

Have you ever met anyone whom you thought, just at that moment of time, that you could imagine yourself marrying and spending the rest of your life with?

Well I did, at some point of time. Actually I almost forgot after a while that I'd ever said that, until a friend whom I'd said it to reminded me about it. Well all I can say is that feeling disappeared when I got to know the person.

I can't fathom how people can spend their entire lives with one single person. Don't you get bored, sick of the same conversation, same quirks, eternal damnation? Imagine an arranged marriage. What if you genuinely dislike the person?

Sirf paane ka naam hi toh pyaar nahi hai na Dev babu..

Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find that want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life.

Everybody loves an accent. It you've been unlucky in love, consider pulling up stakes and moving to another country. Then you'll be the one with a neat foreign accent.

Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile,
And finds in your presence that life is worth while.
So when you are lonely, remember it's true,
Somebody, somewhere is thinking of you.

"For hearing my thoughts, understanding my dreams and being my best friend... For filling my life with joy and loving me without end...I do."

Mohabbatein

Ok so I know the following lines are totally corny and whatever, just like the entire movie, but they sound nice :)

कोई प्यार करे तो तुमसे करे, तुम जैसे हो वैसे करे |
कोई तुमको बदल के प्यार करे, तो वो प्यार नहीं सौदा करे |
और साहेबान, प्यार में सौदा नहीं होता |

EDWARD CULLEN OMG ♥ ♥ ♥

OMG I haven't gotten this atwitter with love for a while now. Last time I think it was Nate Archibald from GG. But OMG! I want a vampire too! :D :D :D

Bella: I can't dance.
Edward: Well, I could always make you.
Bella: I'm not scared of you.
Edward: Well, you really shouldn't have said that.

Edward: I'm gonna take you to my place tomorrow.
Bella: Wait, like with your family?
Edward: Yeah.
Bella: What if they don't like me?
Edward: So you're worried, not because you'll be in a house full of vampires, but because you think they won't approve of you? [laughs]
Bella: I'm glad I amuse you.

Bella: About three thing's I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a Vampire. Second, there was a part of him - and I didn't know how dominant that part might be - that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

Edward: Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving.

Bella: You say you heard what they were thinking? So what, you read minds?
Edward: I can read every mind in this room, apart from yours. [looks at specific people] Money. Sex. Money. Sex. Cat. And then you? Nothing. It's very frustrating.
Bella: Is there something wrong with me?
Edward: See I tell you I can read minds, and you think there's something wrong with you.

Edward: I may not be a human, but I am a man. [AMEN]

It's amazing how many malls a country as small as this can have. And yet there is always space to build one more, squeezed in between two others.

Have you ever had a day so good that you have felt that you could die right then and it would be ok?

Alcohol is SO not the answer to ANY question.

Here's to a long life and a merry one
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer and another one!

dnd

I don't like disappointing people. I'm not very good at saying no either. And don't even ask me to lie to save my life.

But I'm in no condition right now to listen to other people's problems. I have enough of my own. And I know I should be there for you or whatever, but I'm too messed up to be able to handle yours too and tell you what to do. So please, please don't guilt me into forcing myself to help you. I do need some help myself here, a listening ear would come in real handy. But I will manage. I will survive on my own. As long as you don't heap yours onto me. And hopefully find someone else to listen to you, so that I don't have to spend my entire time feeling guilty. I know it is not your fault, and you need someone. But I am not that person. At least now right now.

I know I was bitchy to people last weekend, so I have been trying to make up for it by being nicer to others. This whole karma thing is a bitch. I believe things happen for a reason. I believe in the balance of things. That is why one of the best weeks ever was followed by one of the worst weeks ever.

When I get very pissed off listening to other people's wailing, I try and remind myself that they tried to be understanding when I was down in the dumps. So I know it is my turn now.

But it's just been one of those days which you spend curled up in bed all day, simply because that is all the strength you have.

I am trying, really trying, to understand other people's point of view. But I need you to understand too, that there is only so much I can take right now.

A nicotine patch

Don't you wish there was a nicotine patch made for every kind of withdrawal?

I had this wonderful idea the other day. Upon graduation, if I don't find a job, which going by the amount of effort I'm putting in currently is a very likely scenario, then I shall start a start-up, called Love Bites (pun intended). It shall be a support group for all gals who need a listening ear when they wail about the guy/guys in their lives. Maybe I should make it a Frasier kind of listening-in show. And considering how it happens in everyone's life at least once, imagine the amount of money we'll make! We can probably strike up a deal with Ben&Jerry's and have awesome discounted ice-cream every, say, Thursday.

Zindagi Train Hai, Waqt Ke Track Pe

Sabaki Manjil Hai Tay, Sabaka Rasta Hai Tay.
Sabka Milana Hai Tay, Aur Bichhadana Hai Tay.

I attribute the following to mid-life crisis. Though I do think I should stop using my body as a canvas. Permanent marker, painty and sketch pens, thank you.

Bamboozled

I am a stubborn person. I don't like going too much out of my way for anyone, not in day to day life, without a good reason. I may look like I care, but believe me, I don't. I'm just too self-centered to bother. I want to breeze through life with the least effort possible. Yeah, I'm an ass.

I hate answering questions. Though I do like asking them.

I feel like smashing my head into the wall right now, though I do wonder how that will help me get a job.

I could pass off as Grumpy, the Dwarf, right now.

Why can't I just let go? WHY?

A necessary evil - that is what we learnt friction was when we were kids. And the same definition so aptly describes so many more things now that we're kids no more.

Moose

You know how you build things up in your head, and give them the status of perfection, specially over an extended period of time? And then when it finally does happen, it has disappointment written all over it?

It's amazing how people hate being categorized, yet they are so much more the ones who do fit pre-defined categories.

It's amazing how much people can change, so that when you next meet them, you can't help being horrified at this new version of them. If it was a better, more mature version, you would probably feel happy for them, maybe even be proud. But when they've turned into a jackass version of their former self, you can't help but have the desire to kick them in the ass. What a pity that people change.

It's also amazing how your perception of someone changes the more you get to know them, how the perfection that you assigned them when you initially met them peels away and you realize they're but human, with very human flaws.

And no this is not a personal attack on anyone.

Bugger off

I wish people would stop asking me if I was fine or what happened. It's just a bad mood okay, and explaining everything to you is not gonna make it better. It will just remind me of all the things that went wrong today, trivial things that nonetheless add up, and piss me off again. So if I tell you nothing, I'm just tired, please believe me and move on. I'm just not feeling very chatty.

Would you..

Would you dance
If I asked you to dance?
Would you run
And never look back?
Would you cry
If you saw me cryin?
And would you save my soul, tonight?

Would you tremble
If I touched your lips?
Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this.
Now would you die
For the one you love?
Hold me in your arms, tonight.

Would you swear
That you'll always be mine?
Or would you lie?
Would you run and hide?
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care
You're here tonight.

Coz I hate goodbyes

"And as it all draws to a conclusion, I wonder once again why every good thing must come to an end. Last exam, last 3 days in Toronto, last time I'll be seeing all these people, living in the midst of snow, freezing in the cold. I don't want to go :'( "

"I cannot believe this term has come to an end. I REALLY REALLY do not want to go back, to the same tiny little country, the same old people. To a place where people will expect me to be the same, whom I will expect to be the same. And even though it will all be the same, it will be very very different."

"As I leave on this cold, early morning, it strikes me that not only am I saying goodbye to Toronto, but also to all the other cities that I've visited and lived in over the past few months. Few months which seem like years, not for the sheer volume, but the fact that they've been so normal, so casual, so beautiful."

And with that, my backlog of things to post from my phone to my blog is complete.

Snow

Snow is such a beautiful thing. Sure it gets dreary after a while when it's been lying on the ground and gets dirty and slippery. But when it's falling, in a gentle shower, it is so beautiful.

This is what I wrote one day when I was walking back to my room in York:

"When I see the tiny flakes falling all around me, it gives me a feeling of contentment. And of warmth inside, even though my face (the only exposed part of my body), is freezing. I can sit and watch it for hours from my window. I can forget my woes, and just be happy to be alive." :)

It's a feeling similar to when you sit on a beach and watch the waves crash against the shore. Or when you stand in the middle of a woods, with no one else around, just Nature.

I miss snow.

You know you've been in Toronto too long when

I wrote down these things while I was in Toronto, after reading some note on the idea - You know you've lived in ___ long enough when.

- When it's ok to join a Tim Hortons queue even though it is 3 rows long, because you know you'll be served within the next 15 minutes.

- When you check the weather everytime before leaving room.

- When you check the weather 5 times a day to remind yourself that it is cold outside, and bless the people who came up with central heating.

- When 15 degrees in India feels like summer.

- When pasta is also a salad.

- When no matter which part of the city you are in, a plane WILL pass over your head every 5 minutes.

- When there is so much static around due to lack of humidity that you're scared of touching door handles for fear of electrocution, and separating laundry clothes after drying them in the dryer, especially jackets, socks and scarves, is an experiment in electricity.

Ahh sweet revenge

Roz -
"Oh oh this one's perfect Gunther Dietrich. Oh he's loads of fun. And he's a runway model."
Frasier -
"A German narcissist, there's an appealing combination."

Marty -
"What are you guys doing drinking wine at a ballgame. You ought to be drinking beer.
Niles -
"Dad I only drink beer when I eat German food. Which is to say never."

Fearless :)

There's somethin' 'bout the way
The street looks when it's just rained
There’s a glow off the pavement
Walk me to the car
And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot, yeah

We're drivin' down the road
I wonder if you know
I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool
Run your hands through your hair
Absent mindedly makin' me want you

And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress, fearless..

Romaanch

ज़िन्दगी में कई बार ऐसे मौके आते हैं जब हम ऐसा कुछ करते हैं जो हमने कभी सोचा भी नहीं था हम करेंगे| कभी हम मजबूर होते हैं, तो कभी खुद की मर्जी से कुछ नया try करते हैं| हमें हमेशा पता नहीं होता की अंत result क्या होगा, शायद कहीं इसी में रोमांच भरा होता है|

Sometimes I just feel the need for someone to grab hold of my shoulders and shake me, till my freaking teeth rattle, in an attempt to restart my brain. Why does it seem that there is nothing I can possibly do correctly? I hate the fucking guilt more than anything else. Ok maybe I hate the dip in self-respect more.