lawl

I named my ipod "Titanic" so when it says "Syncing Titanic" i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.

I got a card today saying 'Happy Valentine's Day love, from you know who'.
Why the fuck is Lord Voldemort sending me letters?

ask me if i'm a tree.
no.
ask me if i'm a tree.
NO.
ask me if i'm a tree.
ARE YOU A FUCKING TREE?
wtf? why would i be a tree?

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil.

A kid gave his teacher a blank piece of paper.
Teacher: What is this?
Kid: It's a drawing of a cow eating grass.
Teacher: (looked at the paper) Where's the grass?
Kid: The cow ate all of it.
...Teacher: (looked at the paper again)Then, where's the cow?
Kid: It left because there was no more grass.