Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
Why do bullies always ask "what’s your problem" when they're obviously not going to solve it?
If you swallow a burp does it turn into a fart?
How come French fries are not considered vegetables, since they are just deep fried potatoes?
If someone's peeing and halfway through they die, would they keep pissing or stop?
Do the actors in the re-enactments on Americas most wanted, ever get arrested (because they were seen on TV portraying the criminal)?
If you rented a movie and were late returning it and then you died would someone you knew or a family member have to pay the late fee?
Do bald people get dandruff?
How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?
Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
How come only your fingers and toes get wrinkly in the shower and nothing else does?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it?
If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness?
If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?
Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
Do suicide hotlines have hold?
Monday, October 4, 2010
MLID
Today, I realized that we are saving this world from global warming - we rarely turn on air conditioning or heat; we use lota instead of flushing down a bucket full of water; instead of throwing away empty plastic containers, we use them to put other food in; we use less fuel because we're hardly allowed to go anywhere (i mean, we are always studying). GO DESIS!! MLID.
Today, since it's Sunday, I figured it would be a nice relaxing day. But no, at 6 in the afternoon my mom finds out that her sister's neighbor's daughter is getting married. The wedding begins at 7 and it is now 7:30. I'm sitting in my khamiz waiting for my parents to get ready. -sigh- MLID.
Today, my uncle saw me in my basketball shorts and gasped. He hurried me inside the house and told me to wear some fullpants on my chaddi. MLID
Today, I was getting ready to go to the movies with friends. I was brushing when my dad walked into the bathroom and said I couldn't go anymore. He thought I wanted fresh breath to make out with some guy. FML. MLID
Today, we bought a new store. I was the first one to enter and as soon as i first stepped into the store my mom slapped me across the head. Puzzled by her violence, i looked at her. "Vat" she said "You stepped in with your left foot you idiot. now you'll bring us bad luck" MLID
Today, my dad came back from India. Earlier in the week, my mom had asked her sister to send us a jar of Nivea face cream from India because it's apparently cheaper there. We found four tubes of Fair and Lovely when we opened the suitcase. MLID.
Today, my mom was applying Vicks VapoRub to my brother's chest and back. We've had the jar for quite some time, so I picked it up to read the label. It had expired in 1998. MLID
Today, my little brother asked my mom what love was. My mom replied, "its a mental disorder in the brain, don't fall in love". MLID
Today, as my two younger cousins were leaving they bent down and touched my grandma's feet for ashirwad, she wished for both of them to get wonderful wives. They're 10 and 1...MLID
All my old clothes are potential "pochas" for my mom. MLID.
Today, I saw that my cousins profile picture was actually of him and not of a random bollywood star. I've never been so proud. MLID
Today I finally realized that all those stories about 15/16 year olds getting rishta proposals at desi gatherings, are actually NOT fake. I got 4 in 2 days while I was at a jilsah (religious gathering) in VA. One of them is a 25 year old doctor, and my mom actually considered the proposal. She's asked the guy's mom if the are willing to wait a few years until I finish highschool. I'm terrified. MLID
I have just realized that whenever Desi parents receive a call, they stare at the caller ID for far, far longer than anyone else would, and then pick it up. MLID
Today, my mom bought salt and pepper shakers because they were cheap, 87 cents each. When we got home, she then proceeded to tell me to fill one shaker up with salt, and the other...with chaat masala...MLID
Today, the answer to final "Jeopardy" was 'Kama Sutra'. My dad blurted out the answer, then seemed unsure as to whether he should feel proud that the answer was Indian, or whether he should be ashamed it's considered "erotic literature". MLID
Today, I brought with me an Indian sweet to eat during break. One of my gori classmates started panicking before i put it into my mouth because she thought i didn't fully remove the aluminum foil. MLID.
Today, we had to turn around and go home on a family road trip because my Mother sneezed and that is apparently bad luck. MLID.
Today, my mom slapped me because I was standing in the way of Dance India Dance. MLID
Today, I was forced to go to group counseling by my parents. We had to introduce ourselves, and say why we were there. It turned out everyone else was in there for hardcore drugs, running away from home, and one guy for stabbing someone. I went last, and had to stand up to say I was there because I got my first C in school. MLID
Today, since it's Sunday, I figured it would be a nice relaxing day. But no, at 6 in the afternoon my mom finds out that her sister's neighbor's daughter is getting married. The wedding begins at 7 and it is now 7:30. I'm sitting in my khamiz waiting for my parents to get ready. -sigh- MLID.
Today, my uncle saw me in my basketball shorts and gasped. He hurried me inside the house and told me to wear some fullpants on my chaddi. MLID
Today, I was getting ready to go to the movies with friends. I was brushing when my dad walked into the bathroom and said I couldn't go anymore. He thought I wanted fresh breath to make out with some guy. FML. MLID
Today, we bought a new store. I was the first one to enter and as soon as i first stepped into the store my mom slapped me across the head. Puzzled by her violence, i looked at her. "Vat" she said "You stepped in with your left foot you idiot. now you'll bring us bad luck" MLID
Today, my dad came back from India. Earlier in the week, my mom had asked her sister to send us a jar of Nivea face cream from India because it's apparently cheaper there. We found four tubes of Fair and Lovely when we opened the suitcase. MLID.
Today, my mom was applying Vicks VapoRub to my brother's chest and back. We've had the jar for quite some time, so I picked it up to read the label. It had expired in 1998. MLID
Today, my little brother asked my mom what love was. My mom replied, "its a mental disorder in the brain, don't fall in love". MLID
Today, as my two younger cousins were leaving they bent down and touched my grandma's feet for ashirwad, she wished for both of them to get wonderful wives. They're 10 and 1...MLID
All my old clothes are potential "pochas" for my mom. MLID.
Today, I saw that my cousins profile picture was actually of him and not of a random bollywood star. I've never been so proud. MLID
Today I finally realized that all those stories about 15/16 year olds getting rishta proposals at desi gatherings, are actually NOT fake. I got 4 in 2 days while I was at a jilsah (religious gathering) in VA. One of them is a 25 year old doctor, and my mom actually considered the proposal. She's asked the guy's mom if the are willing to wait a few years until I finish highschool. I'm terrified. MLID
I have just realized that whenever Desi parents receive a call, they stare at the caller ID for far, far longer than anyone else would, and then pick it up. MLID
Today, my mom bought salt and pepper shakers because they were cheap, 87 cents each. When we got home, she then proceeded to tell me to fill one shaker up with salt, and the other...with chaat masala...MLID
Today, the answer to final "Jeopardy" was 'Kama Sutra'. My dad blurted out the answer, then seemed unsure as to whether he should feel proud that the answer was Indian, or whether he should be ashamed it's considered "erotic literature". MLID
Today, I brought with me an Indian sweet to eat during break. One of my gori classmates started panicking before i put it into my mouth because she thought i didn't fully remove the aluminum foil. MLID.
Today, we had to turn around and go home on a family road trip because my Mother sneezed and that is apparently bad luck. MLID.
Today, my mom slapped me because I was standing in the way of Dance India Dance. MLID
Today, I was forced to go to group counseling by my parents. We had to introduce ourselves, and say why we were there. It turned out everyone else was in there for hardcore drugs, running away from home, and one guy for stabbing someone. I went last, and had to stand up to say I was there because I got my first C in school. MLID
Leisure
By William Henry Davies
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Tonight's the night!
Trivia:
Shera, the official mascot for the 2010 Commonwealth Games, represents the modern Indian, proud of his nation's ancient heritage and a fierce competitor but with integrity and honesty.
Jawahar Lal Nehru Sports Complex
Distance:12 kms
Capacity:60,000
The complex has in its heart the showpiece stadium for the Games, which will host both the Opening and Closing ceremonies. A look at the facilities and design is enough to make every Indian proud of this gigantic structure which originally hails from the 1982 Asian Games that the city hosted.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Wisdom from university
The last 3 years have passed by so quickly. Sometimes, it feels like I've had 3 lifetimes - the India part, the JC part and then everything after that.
India was all about academics, JC was trying to figure out how to survive on your own, and uni, well, has been uni. Late nights watching TV shows, going for movies in groups of 20s, looking at notes for the first time in reading week, watching people change and grow apart/closer every semester, it's been a hell of a rollercoaster ride. And now that graduation seems just around the corner, considering the way time passes here, the feeling that life as we know it is going to change again. Work life is nowhere near as fun, crazy, random, spontaneous (read disorganised) as uni. Anyone who's done internships/IAs knows that. So now, as I am supposed to be doing job applications, and inspired as I am by Akash's "Things I learnt in uni", I'll come up with a list of my own.
1. They're not lying when they say friends change in uni - both who your friends are, and what they are like, and what and who they like will undergo major transformation.
2. You change even more than your friends do. Whether you are a local, moved from another city/country for uni, or have been around for a while, it is a whole new experience, incomparable to any other in your life.
3. No matter how much you fight/deny it, you will learn some pleasant, and some not so pleasant things about yourself.
4. Other than a lucky few, none of us will know what we want in life, in a job. Figuring it out can be as hard as finding the answer to the ultimate question of life (whose answer, incidentally, is not 42, despite what the Hitchhiker's Guide would have us believe.)
5. You will realize that learning about life is so much more important than learning about graphs.
6. People all around will start getting married. It will petrify you at first, but then you will learn to accept it as something as inevitable as a PGP dryer not drying your clothes.
7. World events will feel a lot closer to home. Maybe it's the elevated intellectual levels or something, but things like world (US Presidential) elections, terrorist attacks, natural disasters, Ris Low, sports, CWG will become normal conversation topics.
8. You will know 100s of people, but when you need someone to talk to, there are very few you can actually approach. Though the remaining will be good for letting off steam by whining about the hardships of your life and commiserating over theirs.
9. Blogging will become cool. More people will know your blog than know you. And sometimes its the only way to keep in touch.
10. More people will like your Facebook status update than like you.
11. You will develop a love-hate relationship with Facebook. It will be a necessary evil, like friction. Staying off Facebook for an entire day in Reading Week will be something to be proud of. After which your reward will be to go to every update on your home feed, and go through every new album and video posted.
12. More than NDTV or BBC, Facebook will update you on world events. Ball-by-ball, goal-by-goal, set-by-set updates will clutter your news feed. I found out about Bombay Taj attacks on Facebook before I saw the news. (I started my blog because of those attacks by the way. The first post I wrote was Saluting Martyrs of the attacks.)
13. The only way to show someone you don't know much that you care about them is to wish them Happy Birthday on Facebook, which by the way, will be your only way to know when someone's birthday is near.
14. Most of us realize that working last minute is something to be found in our genes, and is indeed the way God meant it. And we will marvel at the dedication of the locals in printing notes, taking down copious notes during lectures, by doing something unheard of among Indians - listening in lectures!
15. Every year you see a new crop of freshmen come in, with hope and big dreams shining in their eyes; you will miss those good ole days of the honeymoon period of the first month of uni, where hanging out with your "close" group of 50 friends day-in, day-out in a tiny room with 1 square feet per person was the way to go; where uni had not ruined your hopes and dreams and made you feel like an incapable arse (I just saw Bridget Jones Diary 2nd part yesterday night).
16. You will miss the joys of first year even more when you have to apply for jobs. Job apps are a pain, no other way to describe them. Why can't they just make 1 standard application and then they all take candidates from that?
17. Some people are better at interviews and jobs than you are. Accept it.
18. Everyone has a competitive streak. Will become more evident nearer exam results time and job app time. Understandable.
19. Maggi will become a cereal. Uncle Chips will become a rare delicacy.
20. First to second year transformation of gals will be an interesting sight to see.
21. Deadlines will begin to define your life, when you sleep, eat, go out, live, die.
22. TV shows will be a constant topic of discussion and FB status updates. The return of a show with a new season will mark a new beginning of these so make sure you are updated. Else you will feel miserably left out when people complain about how much time they wasted in watching back-to-back episodes.
23. Release of an interesting Bollywood movie or one with Priyanka Chopra will be a batch scale event, where you will go in a group of >20 and pass comments throughout the movie, which you will, of course, be shushed for many times.
24. You will struggle to understand why some people are better than you. And you will come up empty handed.
25. Talking about sex/making innuendos 24-7 will seem cool to some people. I have one thing to say to you - grow up.
India was all about academics, JC was trying to figure out how to survive on your own, and uni, well, has been uni. Late nights watching TV shows, going for movies in groups of 20s, looking at notes for the first time in reading week, watching people change and grow apart/closer every semester, it's been a hell of a rollercoaster ride. And now that graduation seems just around the corner, considering the way time passes here, the feeling that life as we know it is going to change again. Work life is nowhere near as fun, crazy, random, spontaneous (read disorganised) as uni. Anyone who's done internships/IAs knows that. So now, as I am supposed to be doing job applications, and inspired as I am by Akash's "Things I learnt in uni", I'll come up with a list of my own.
1. They're not lying when they say friends change in uni - both who your friends are, and what they are like, and what and who they like will undergo major transformation.
2. You change even more than your friends do. Whether you are a local, moved from another city/country for uni, or have been around for a while, it is a whole new experience, incomparable to any other in your life.
3. No matter how much you fight/deny it, you will learn some pleasant, and some not so pleasant things about yourself.
4. Other than a lucky few, none of us will know what we want in life, in a job. Figuring it out can be as hard as finding the answer to the ultimate question of life (whose answer, incidentally, is not 42, despite what the Hitchhiker's Guide would have us believe.)
5. You will realize that learning about life is so much more important than learning about graphs.
6. People all around will start getting married. It will petrify you at first, but then you will learn to accept it as something as inevitable as a PGP dryer not drying your clothes.
7. World events will feel a lot closer to home. Maybe it's the elevated intellectual levels or something, but things like world (US Presidential) elections, terrorist attacks, natural disasters, Ris Low, sports, CWG will become normal conversation topics.
8. You will know 100s of people, but when you need someone to talk to, there are very few you can actually approach. Though the remaining will be good for letting off steam by whining about the hardships of your life and commiserating over theirs.
9. Blogging will become cool. More people will know your blog than know you. And sometimes its the only way to keep in touch.
10. More people will like your Facebook status update than like you.
11. You will develop a love-hate relationship with Facebook. It will be a necessary evil, like friction. Staying off Facebook for an entire day in Reading Week will be something to be proud of. After which your reward will be to go to every update on your home feed, and go through every new album and video posted.
12. More than NDTV or BBC, Facebook will update you on world events. Ball-by-ball, goal-by-goal, set-by-set updates will clutter your news feed. I found out about Bombay Taj attacks on Facebook before I saw the news. (I started my blog because of those attacks by the way. The first post I wrote was Saluting Martyrs of the attacks.)
13. The only way to show someone you don't know much that you care about them is to wish them Happy Birthday on Facebook, which by the way, will be your only way to know when someone's birthday is near.
14. Most of us realize that working last minute is something to be found in our genes, and is indeed the way God meant it. And we will marvel at the dedication of the locals in printing notes, taking down copious notes during lectures, by doing something unheard of among Indians - listening in lectures!
15. Every year you see a new crop of freshmen come in, with hope and big dreams shining in their eyes; you will miss those good ole days of the honeymoon period of the first month of uni, where hanging out with your "close" group of 50 friends day-in, day-out in a tiny room with 1 square feet per person was the way to go; where uni had not ruined your hopes and dreams and made you feel like an incapable arse (I just saw Bridget Jones Diary 2nd part yesterday night).
16. You will miss the joys of first year even more when you have to apply for jobs. Job apps are a pain, no other way to describe them. Why can't they just make 1 standard application and then they all take candidates from that?
17. Some people are better at interviews and jobs than you are. Accept it.
18. Everyone has a competitive streak. Will become more evident nearer exam results time and job app time. Understandable.
19. Maggi will become a cereal. Uncle Chips will become a rare delicacy.
20. First to second year transformation of gals will be an interesting sight to see.
21. Deadlines will begin to define your life, when you sleep, eat, go out, live, die.
22. TV shows will be a constant topic of discussion and FB status updates. The return of a show with a new season will mark a new beginning of these so make sure you are updated. Else you will feel miserably left out when people complain about how much time they wasted in watching back-to-back episodes.
23. Release of an interesting Bollywood movie or one with Priyanka Chopra will be a batch scale event, where you will go in a group of >20 and pass comments throughout the movie, which you will, of course, be shushed for many times.
24. You will struggle to understand why some people are better than you. And you will come up empty handed.
25. Talking about sex/making innuendos 24-7 will seem cool to some people. I have one thing to say to you - grow up.
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