"Treat me like an angel and I'll be your lil' devil."
Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.
"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make.
All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!
"We are going to rip off your testicles.......and slash your tires." - Nip
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The only reason I am always listening to music is to drown out the sound of your voice!
"Careful with that light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train coming."
Don't drink and drive you might spill your beer.
If you can't fix it with duck tape you haven't used enough
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think you're on drugs.
Where there's a will, there's a way. And where there's a way, then there's usually a stop sign somewhere along the road.
loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, yet wanted by plenty!
"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."
Constipated People Don't Give A crap.
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Illiterate? Write For Help
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit.
You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Boldly Going Nowhere.
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"
"i'm not tailgating, i'm keeping up with the pace car"
Roadhead cures Roadrage...
Tell your girlfriend I said thanks
" WARNING: in case of rapture, this car will be driverless. "
normal people worry me
you say physco like it's a bad thing
those who think they know everything, annoy those of us that do
This delinquent is having sex with your honor student.
Save the environment...plant a Bush back in Texas.
don't regret doing things, regret getting caught
None of us are virgins, life has screwed us all
"my tears for you are like dark chocolate- bitter sweet and probably no good for me."
If you love somebody, they shouldn't make you cry, they should be worth crying over.
"I'm going to live life or die trying"
im sugar and spice and everything nice if u wanna mess with me u better think twice
"We didn’t lose.....we just ran out of time"
"Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license."
"You will be aroused by a shampoo comercial."--Homer J. Simpson
If you die, I'll kill you!"
The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
"Find a guy that adores you and not one that you adore!!" MOM
Learn from the mistakes of others, because you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
"Birdie, birdie, in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like sugar, tastes like sap. OMG! IT'S BIRDIE CRAP!"
"Inside this body lies that of a skinny lady. But I can usually shut her up with chocolate."
They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?
Men are like pennies: two-faced and worthless.
You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try. - Homer J. Simpson.
"Is tuna really Chicken?" - Jessica Simpson, after reading "Tuna, Chicken of the sea"
"I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down."
Roses are red, violets are blue, please flush the toilet, after you.
"Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle."
"When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't no how to spell anonymous" -unknown
"I'll kill you until you die!!"
"I'm not scared of dying, I just don't want to!"
"Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."
"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"
"The whole world is going to hell and I'm driving the bus"
"Don't criticize my mess unless you'd like to become part of it."
"I have a mind like a steel trap; it is rusty and illegal in 47 states"
"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation"
"It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility"!
I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight
If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!
The entire world's a stage; I didn't get cast!
Consciousness- that annoying time between naps
Suburbia - where they cut down trees and name streets after them
"Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her ass"
I love him, O yes I do,
He's for me, not for you,
And if by chance you take my place,
I'll take my fist and smash your face!
"God made mud, God made dirt, God made guys so girls could flirt!"
Guys are like lava lamps they're fun to look at just not so bright!
"Loves a two-way street and I think your car just died"
It takes 42 muscles to smile, so instead pick up your middle finger and say bite me in a bitchy tone!
Every morning is the dawn of a new error
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS
Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved
Dain bramaged
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
Beware of programmers who carry screwdriver
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
A repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
A Laundromat:
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHING WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
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