Bumbling bee

'lol' officially means I don't know what to say to that, or I'm too lazy to think of a more appropriate reply. Really.

I've been known to over-react to things in the past.

I've realized that the past never really goes away. No matter how hard you work to suppress it and remove it, it comes back to bite you in the ass the moment you let your guard down.

I tend to block things in my mind. Anything that was unpleasant, that I felt guilty or bad about, I tend to bury. Some things even to the extent that I don't even remember the good parts.

Sometimes I wonder why I can't let myself be happy. Why do I have to find some way or another to bring myself down? Why is depression my normal state of mind?

I've also realized that I get claustrophobic of staying in the same place for too long. Why do I get used to places so quickly? Why does nothing stay new for long? Why do I always want to leave places, people, behind? What am I trying to escape?

I don't know why I have this urge and need to sort things out. I cannot just let things be, I don't know how to let things go. This applies to how I feel as well. I need to know how I feel about things, and in order to do that I need to be able to say it to someone. Since I currently lack people to say it to, I blog about it. I need to put my opinions out there, maybe in a vain attempt to make myself matter. Or in order to not go crazy.

I can't remember the last easy conversation I had. Where I was totally comfortable with the person I was talking to, and did not have to whack my brain. I miss my friends :(